Before the light shined in my face through the window.
Sitting directly at my height, god said hi.
“Hello, I’ve come to save you and show you my power, glory, and truth.”
You had me, and I shall give you my name; glory, power, and my heavenly throne.
You shall influence people on high
And tell everyone my name,
And share the glory that you’ve bonded in.”
The day I saw the goodness in all the shame.
I fell down to my knees and asked that you would so gratefully give me redemption.
As I repented what I’ve done
Not wanting to shame my birth name.
The result of me not listening in the time of war between sickness and health,
Loins and feelings at the tip of my private nerve endings.
Pleasing, your feelings, healing the time you’ve spent alone.
Only to find affliction in my veins,
You were only trying to put me to shame,
When I should have listened
To his word, to his name.
How much hate can be in one person?
Let me tell you.
More than the world.
More than anyone could possibly think of.
So much hate that I’m crushing underneath a weight that’s not even there.
And eventually all that hate has to go somewhere.
In someone’s face, on my wrist again, to my head.
One day it’ll come.
And I’ve been feeling like someday is sooner than I want it to be.
I’m addicted to the dark,
And she has a crush on me.
My love for her is deeper than the seven seas.
She’s there when I close my eyes.
She’s there when I lay down at night.
She’s in my head she’s in my heart.
I’m trapped alone in the dark.
Who am I? I’m not the person I was when I woke up this morning. I won’t be the same person I am right now when I wake up tomorrow. Who am I? I’m nothing and everything at the same time. I am the light and the dark. The gun to a head and a flower behind the ear. I am the ups and downs in life while slowly floating in that cloudy middle part. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know where I am. I don’t know what this is.
I’m just mourning with the fact that things will never be the same.
Do you even miss me?
Have I gone insane?
I have reason to believe that this will all be okay.
I’ve been here before,
But this is a different pain.
What is life without you?
I don’t want to know.
But it has to happen sometime,
So here I go.
Why do I love you so?
You treat me like dirt.
Like I’m some low life jerk.
When all I’ve done is given you everything.
I’m sorry I’m not there.
You aren’t either,
Physically or emotionally.
I’m left here waiting that hopefully you’ll show up.
It’s true tomorrow’s another day.
It’s another day of hopelessly waiting.
Time is killing me.
I do this to myself.
I need to drag myself out.
Trapped in a coffin built by my sorrow and you nailed it shut with your harsh words.
I can see it in your eyes,
You’ve given up on life.
There’s nothing left to do but let time put you to sleep.
You want to end it faster.
It’s so tempting to pull the trigger.
You’re one click away from falling over quicker.
You look into the eyes of forever and all you see is black.
Each day is like waiting for someone to save you but no one is ever coming back.
You’re numb and your lost,
All these suicidal thoughts .
Silent screams for help,
“Why can’t anyone hear me?”
You’re trapped in this eternal abyss.
You’re stuck drowning and everyone is swimming.
You seem fine to them, but you’re falling further into the dark.
Well, you know how I was floating right above rock bottom for a while? Everything seemed fine for a little bit? Then, boom. The first rock pulled me in, then the next one, and then the next one, and now I’m submerged underneath 1000 lbs. of pain and sadness.
But the glory of the being rock bottom is that I have a surface to rebuild on. I can't rebuild in the middle of the ocean because everything will just float away
But in reality, we’re all the ocean.
Some are the pretty coral reefs, some are the wondering fish, and some are smashed on the rocks with no way or no one to help scrape them off.
Lies and hardships come and go like the waves; they come in hard on you and sweep away all they can, and life continues to flow like the current. It’s a never ending cycle of misery.