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Hostage Of My Emotions

I'm a hostage of my emotions. So much is weighing on me. This Journey has taken it's tole on me. Wandering but not lost, deep within finding me.

Longing for freedom within. So much pain lingers, it was keeping my heart from being stolen away. Filled with fear of being hurt, made quick escapes.

A hostage of my emotions. This confusion is taking it's tole on me. So much was weighing me down depleting me. Prayed for relief, tears distantly lingering.

I must let go & release this pain. I can't be afraid to walk away. Such a deep desire for change. Lost & confused yet relying totally on faith. Through God is the only way.

I'm a hostage of my emotions, unleashing the negativity. Longing to be free indefinitely. Learning about life is slowly causing me to bloom uniquely.

I'm a new me now, so much more I aim to do. The fate of my destiny, encouraged to follow through. So much more in this world for me to do.

2:07pm
1-26-15
♡TY

I am "Happy"

I am “Happy”
Nov-25-2013

I had a dream this morning in the middle of
Snooze buttons and alarms
A dream woman whom my ex dressed up as on Halloween,
The impregnated death painter, Frida Kahlo.
A vision of calming blue libraries and the fears of the ghetto
Kahlo wasn’t a poet but inside my head she was
I was speaking to a couple behind a counter about purchasing a book
The words all broken and convoluted
A place with the punctuation in the walls, spelled with straight
Knives of different boring colored handles.
Like the time I came back from seeing the movie “Brothers”
With the prison rage hitting so fast that I felt I should take a crow bar and
Break out all the windows in the drug house I lived in.
“Sean… Which poem is this?”
Shook my head to get the dirty thoughts to fall out and opened the
Book they placed on the counter.
Flipped to the last 2 pages and somehow I knew this poem would uplift this woman’s
Mood.
A poem written by the mad woman entited:
“I … Am…. Happy…”
After waking I wrote down on a piece of ripped paper what the poem said
“I live my life
Live with the peasants and to me this is pleasant.
I am NOT a church girl, thought….
I’ve poured a thousand prayers and a thousand tears
Upon God.
I may not look so, but I am
Happy.”
After reading the poem to the couple the woman closed her blue eyes
Picked up Frida’s book and floated backwards.
Levitated away until she disappeared.
I awoke at 9:30 a.m. in a dismal maze thinking on how
I better get that coffee started and write down this poem
By the weird disturbing painter.

Deep State Of Pause

In a deep state of pause, working it out within. No more holding back, beginning to believe I can. The world around me is slowly changing, the feeling is amazing.

In a deep state of pause, God is making me think. Prayed for my life to be explained. No longer willing to live life the same. A strong desire to bring about change.

In a deep state of pause, the emotions in my heart run deep. Relaxed & relieved, my pain is slowly escaping. The old me is fading away slow & steady, yet completely.

In a deep state of pause, how will my life change? Leaving it up to God, staying faithful walking in Jesus name. Will people always remain the same? Pleading, bring this madness to an end.

12-11-14
9:38am
♡TY

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Pure Love

Pure love makes you feel complete. Nothing can replace something that lies so deep. Years spent searching never finding the way. Unable to replace a connection God decided to create.

Pure love brings out the best in me. My soul connected to yours. Take all my pain away from me. The pain of not having you near is causing lost emotions to rise in me.

The lingering thoughts, only you can make me feel free. Give me the desire to be me. A love so deep, two separate journeys bring us together indefinitely.

Pure love looks into your eyes never looking away. Upon the soft touch of your hands the world disappears, allowing my mind to escape. So drawn to each other, the connection can't be replaced.

11-25-14
3:45pm
♡TY

In Return

In return I must forgive you. My life will not be torn down by the evil that has overtaken you.

In return my life will change. Walking away from games. Refusing to fall victim to pain.

In return you can't hurt me. Any drama sent my way I returned freely. I'm pleasing God, you can't stop me.

9:05am
11-11-14
♡TY

Simply A Love Poem

Thirty pieces of silver that's all it took,
Betrayed by an disciple, that was a crook,

So Many Things

So many things going on around me. So many things I can't explain. So many of my days & nights were filled with pain. Yes it feels strange, I am so far from plain..... so many things.

So many things I've seen. So many things I still don't want to believe. They always pushed me away. God told me to flee from my family. Understanding is now there, God was preparing my destiny.

So many things made me cry. So many things kept me weak. Because of my situation , I chose not to speak. Wasn't free to be me silently in peace. They saught to bring the devil out of me.

So many things are changing in my life. So many things are beginning to go right. Too many haters in this world, ppl are openly disliked. Men hate you when they are not your type.

So many things I chose not to see. So many things God shielded from me. Building me up slow, I'm strong finally. Beginning to feel so complete. Being the person I was born to be.

8:54am
11-11-14
♡TY

Beware of apartment 2145

Written: 2-19-2015

Hey buddy, Where are you?
Hey buddy, I need another ride.
3 nights ago I rolled around in bed with my heart pounding.
The cat ran into one of the large boxes downstairs.
2 months ago while laying down I saw a force in the darkness
run at me, to numb to move.
Once I fell asleep I had vicious nightmares.
Best friend went to stick a knife in my side, we sang about it.
Now his brother in law owes me 255$ plus a phone.
When I found out he blew his paycheck at foot locker I jumped
in my car and drove to his apartment complex at 1:00 a.m.
to kick open his door and pull out his teeth.
Now I've seen many shadows and smelled the stench of death
and rotten eggs while sitting on the couch in the living room.
In apartment 2145 the passing over never lets up.
After a few empty threats and promises the next morning over some
texts I knew those bitches wouldn't lay a touch on me.
After work I stood in the doorway in a big green baggy work
button up shirt, baggy dress pants,
dress shoes with golden buttons on the sides,
hands in my pockets while I spotted bambam down the stairway.
The one who threatened and stole 225 from me.
Stood with the door wide open while he spoke with his gf.
Stood for 30-40 seconds waiting to get jumped or murked
I said
"Get the fuck back into you're car bambam."
He left with his diseased bitch while I stood in the kitchen feeding
the cat,
7:00 p.m.
while eating cold chicken.
You start to lose it after finding out you're best friend has been
fucking your fiance.
My girl hasn't waited in a dark blue cloak and swirling a
brown torch at the tides
under the starriest sky
I cannot walk around and count the cracks.
4th ave ain't got shit anyways.

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